Elements of Marriage – What Works

Sunday Morning Bible Study

February 15, 2009

Introduction

We are now into our fifth week on our marriage series, “Elements of Marriage”.

We have talked about:

1. Submission

2. Love

3. Communication

4. Setting your mind on things above (last week)

We have two weeks left in our series.

5. What Works (today)

6. Unity (next week)

In a week and a half, Thursday, February 26, we are going to have our last component of the marriage series – we will be showing the movie “FireProof”. Play the promo.

We’re going to have an old fashion “movie night” with popcorn, soda, and candy. Because it’s a 2 hour movie, we will start the movie promptly at 7:00pm and we won’t be done until 9:00pm

This might be something to invite a friend to, perhaps someone who is struggling in their marriage.

What Works

As with all our studies in the series, the things we’ll talk about today don’t just apply to marriage – they apply to just about all of our relationships. You’re going to be hearing it all couched relation to marriage, but don’t tune us out here – what today is about is about relationship.

I’ve tried hard to make sure that our series is not just about platitudes and nice ideas, but we’ve tried to keep things practical.

My idea about today was to have three couples in the church share some of the things that they’ve found to be important in their marriages – hence the title “What Works”. Each person that shares is simply going to share one simple idea that has helped them.

Before we talk about what works, let’s hear a word about what DOESN’T work:

Show video of what NOT to say to your wife…

That’s what NOT to say to your wife.

Experts on love and marriage

None of us who are going to share want anyone to think that we are some kind of experts when it comes to marriage. We’re just fellow travelers…

But we are fellow travelers who together have spent 92 years on the road of marriage.

We know that the things we’ll be sharing are “our” things. What works for one couple may not work for another couple (though frankly I can’t think of one of our topics that isn’t universal to all relationships).

There is a precedent for today’s format:

(Titus 2:1-8 NLT) But as for you, promote the kind of living that reflects right teaching. {2} Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have strong faith and be filled with love and patience. {3} Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that is appropriate for someone serving the Lord. They must not go around speaking evil of others and must not be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. {4} These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, {5} to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. {6} In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely in all they do.

There’s a place in the Christian life to learn from each other, to learn from each other’s experiences.

Some of you have had great examples to learn from. Some of you have had godly parents set an example of how a good relationship works.

But not all of you have had great example in your family. Church ought to be a place where you can find a few more examples to follow.

We have no notion that we have perfect marriages, but we have picked up a few lessons over the years, we hope that we might simply be a few beggars showing other beggars where to find bread.

Before us beggars share our few crumbs with you, I have collected some important ideas from some real experts. The experts were asked:

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” - Alonzo, 9

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” - Bart, 9

“Shake your hips and hope for the best.” - Camille, 9

Dave & Laurie

Dave & Laurie have been married for 25 years.

Laurie – Forgiveness

Dave – Listening

Dan & Joy

Dan & Joy have been married for 37 years.

Joy – God: The place He has in relationships

Dan – What and when to speak

Rich & Debby

We have been married for 30 years

Deb – Fellowship

Rich – Dating

Dating

We’ve talked about how the relationship between husband and wife is like the relationship between Jesus and His church.

To a church that was going through a rough spell, Jesus said,

(Rev 2:5 NKJV) "Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works…

There are a lot of things that could qualify as “first works” for a relationship, but the one I want to talk about is dating.

I remember when we were first married we received a bit of advice from an older couple. They were watching us as a newlywed couple become more and more committed to things at church. I remember being pulled aside and told that we need to be sure we were setting aside time each week for our marriage.

We have learned over the years that it’s a good idea to try and go out “on a date” on a regular basis. For us, we try to do something about once a week.

Probably the most common thing for us is to go out for a meal, usually Polly’s Pies on Monday mornings for breakfast.

Show “Dating” Video – “Dr. Paul”

In consulting our earlier set of experts on Dating, they were asked:

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." - Martin, 10

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." - Craig, 9

What do I call going out on a date?

Getting out of familiar surroundings where you’re going to get distracted with things like kids, phone calls or chores. In other words, leaving the house is a good thing.

Do something special

It doesn’t have to cost anything but time. Take a walk. Go to Starbucks or Yogurtland.

The key thing is: Spend time face to face talking

Building Relationships

“What works” implies an effort.

The things we’ve presented don’t just magically happen – they are things you cultivate and grow in.

A good marriage does not just magically happen when this mysterious thing called “compatibility” lands in your life.

Introduction

We are now into our fifth week on our marriage series, “Elements of Marriage”.

We have talked about:

1. Submission

2. Love

3. Communication

4. Setting your mind on things above (last week)

We have two weeks left in our series.

5. What Works (today)

6. Unity (next week)

In a week and a half, Thursday, February 26, we are going to have our last component of the marriage series – we will be showing the movie “FireProof”. Play the promo.

We’re going to have an old fashion “movie night” with popcorn, soda, and candy. Because it’s a 2 hour movie, we will start the movie promptly at 7:00pm and we won’t be done until 9:00pm

This might be something to invite a friend to, perhaps someone who is struggling in their marriage.

What Works

I’ve tried hard to make sure that our series is not just about platitudes and nice ideas, but we’ve tried to keep things practical.

My idea about today was to have three couples in the church share some of the things that they’ve found to be important in their marriages – hence the title “What Works”. Each person that shares is simply going to share one simple idea that has helped them.

Before we talk about what works, let’s hear a word about what DOESN’T work:

Show video of what NOT to say to your wife…

That’s what NOT to say to your wife.

Experts on love and marriage

None of us who are going to share want anyone to think that we are some kind of experts when it comes to marriage. We’re just fellow travelers…

But we are fellow travelers who together have spent 92 years on the road of marriage.

We know that the things we’ll be sharing are “our” things. What works for one couple may not work for another couple (though frankly I can’t think of one of our topics that isn’t universal to all relationships).

There is a precedent for today’s format:

There’s a place in the Christian life to learn from each other, to learn from each other’s experiences.

Some of you have had great examples to learn from. Some of you have had godly parents set an example of how a good relationship works.

But not all of you have had great example in your family. Church ought to be a place where you can find a few more examples to follow.

We have no notion that we have perfect marriages, but we have picked up a few lessons over the years, we hope that we might simply be a few beggars showing other beggars where to find bread.

Before us beggars share our few crumbs with you, I have collected some important ideas from some real experts. The experts were asked:

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” - Alonzo, 9

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” - Bart, 9

“Shake your hips and hope for the best.” - Camille, 9

Dave & Laurie

Dave & Laurie have been married for 25 years.

Laurie – Forgiveness

Dave – Listening

Dan & Joy

Dan & Joy have been married for 37 years.

Joy – God: The place He has in relationships

Dan – What and when to speak

Rich & Debby

We have been married for 30 years

Deb – Fellowship

Rich – Dating

Dating

We’ve talked about how the relationship between husband and wife is like the relationship between Jesus and His church.

To a church that was going through a rough spell, Jesus said,

(Rev 2:5 NKJV) "Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works…

There are a lot of things that could qualify as “first works” for a relationship, but the one I want to talk about is dating.

We have learned over the years that it’s a good idea to try and go out “on a date” on a regular basis. For us, we try to do something about once a week.

Probably the most common thing for us is to go out for a meal, usually Polly’s Pies on Monday mornings for breakfast.

Show “Dating” Video – “Dr. Paul”

In consulting our earlier set of experts on Dating, they were asked:

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." - Martin, 10

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." - Craig, 9

What do I call going out on a date?

Getting out of familiar surroundings where you’re going to get distracted with things like kids, phone calls or chores. In other words, leaving the house is a good thing.

Do something special

It doesn’t have to cost anything but time. Take a walk. Go to Starbucks or Yogurtland.

The key thing is: Spend time face to face talking

Building Relationships

“What works” implies an effort.

The things we’ve presented don’t just magically happen – they are things you cultivate and grow in.

A good marriage does not just magically happen when this mysterious thing called “compatibility” lands in your life.

A good marriage requires constant attention, constant work.

Forgiveness

Listening

God

What and when to speak

Fellowship

Dating