Elements of Marriage - Submission

Sunday Morning Bible Study

January 18, 2009

Introduction

I think we all have our own pictures as to what submission looks like.

Illustration

SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. “Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” Explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, “That’s once.” We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, “That’s twice.” We hadn’t gone a half mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot him. I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’”

Staring down the barrel of a gun is probably not the best picture of submission.

What is submission?

1. It is yielding to authority

submitting – hupotasso – to arrange under, to submit to one’s control; to obey, be subject

Greek military term meaning "to arrange troop divisions in a military fashion under the command of a leader".

In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden".

Even though Jesus was God in human flesh, Jesus learned submission.

He submitted to His parents:

(Luke 2:51 NKJV) Then He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them…

He submitted to God:

(John 6:38 NKJV) "For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.

2. It is a work of the Spirit

Paul talks about being filled with the Holy Spirit and the things that result in a believer’s life when the Holy Spirit is at work.

(Eph 5:18-21 NKJV) And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, {19} speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, {20} giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord 2Jesus Christ, {21} submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Note gals that I didn’t read verse 22 (yet).

The bigger point is that discipline of submission is a result of being filled with the Spirit.

3. It involves the mouth

There is a time to be silent

(1 Pet 3:4 NKJV) rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Sometimes all we do is complain and criticize.

The boss learns to not pay attention because you are known as a complainer.

If you are one to talk back less often, when you do speak up, your words will mean more.

(Titus 2:9 NKJV) Exhort bondservants to be obedient to their own masters, to be well pleasing in all things, not answering back…

There is also a time to speak up

Sarah is the Bible’s example of a submissive wife.

(1 Pet 3:6 NKJV) as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Sarah spoke up

(Gen 21:10 NKJV) Therefore she said to Abraham, "Cast out this bondwoman and her son; for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, namely with Isaac."

Abraham was told by God to listen to his wife.

(Gen 21:12 NKJV) … Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice; for in Isaac your seed shall be called.

Some people claim that the Bible teaches that the wife has no authority or influence in a marriage. If Sarah is held up as the example of the submissive wife, I think our ideas of submission need to change.

Illustration

In the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”, the daughter Toula has been living under the authority of her very strict father. When she gets the idea of going to college and leaving the family business, her father says “no”. That’s when the mother Maria steps in:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebaFd53yO40&feature=related

"The man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head anyway she wants."

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Playtone Pictures, 2002), directed by Joel Zwick, written by Nia Vardalos; submitted by Jerry De Luca, Montreal West, Quebec, Canada

There’s probably a bit of truth in there…

Sometimes it’s easier to just keep your ideas to yourself and let your boss run the company into the ground. Sometimes the right thing to do is to speak up.

4. It is difficult

When Hagar had run away from Abraham and Sarah because Sarah was treating her harshly. God’s reply to Hagar …

Gen 16:9 The Angel of the LORD said to her, "Return to your mistress, and submit yourself under her hand."

submit – ‘anah – to humble oneself; to be afflicted

Submission is a humbling thing. It’s connected to “affliction”.

Sometimes God doesn’t want you running away from the uncomfortable things. Sometimes God wants to use the uncomfortable things to grow and mature you.

The real test of submission is when you are asked to do something you don’t want to do.

If your boss asks you to go to Baskin Robbins and buy yourself an ice-cream cone, it’s not much of an opportunity for submission.

If your boss asks you to clean the toilet, that’s an opportunity for submission.

For Jesus, His ultimate test came in the Garden of Gethsemane

(Luke 22:42 NKJV) saying, "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done."

Who do we submit to?

1. God

Learning to say “Yes, Lord”

(James 4:7 NKJV) Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Jesus is our best example.

If He is your “Lord”, then you respond by saying “Yes”

2. Government

(1 Pet 2:13-14 NKJV) Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme, {14} or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good.

Peter goes on to say that submission can “silence the ignorance” of foolish men.

3. The Boss

(Col 3:22-23 NKJV) Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. {23} And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,

Bosses, teachers, parents, those in authority over you.

4. Husbands

(Eph 5:22 NKJV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Keep in mind that Paul’s context is that we are also submitting ourselves to each other.

5. One another

(1 Pet 5:5 NKJV) Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."

We all have a responsibility to learn submission. Nobody graduates from learning submission.

Why is submission so difficult?

1. Pride

We don’t like anyone telling us what to do. You ain’t the boss of me.

And some of you don’t like me telling you that we need to learn submission.

It’s the American way of life.

We rebelled against the King of England.

Self will is the sin of Lucifer, Satan.

(Isa 14:12-14 NKJV) "How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, You who weakened the nations! {13} For you have said in your heart: 'I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; I will also sit on the mount of the congregation On the farthest sides of the north; {14} I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.'

I don’t think we want to learn from this fellow.

Illustration

[In an article for Decision magazine], Samuel Kamaleson illustrates [the difficulty of submission] through a Christian folk story from South India. It opens with a young boy who loved to play marbles. He regularly walked through his neighborhood with a pocketful of his best marbles, hoping to find opponents to play against. One marble in particular, his special blue marble, had won him many matches.

During one walk he encountered a young girl who was eating a bag of chocolate candy. Though the boy's first love was marbles, he had a weakness for chocolates. As he stood there interacting with the young girl, his salivary glands and the rumbling in his stomach became uncontrollable, and he thought to himself, I have got to get my hands on those chocolates.

Concocting a plan, he asked the girl, "How about I give you all these marbles for those chocolates?" She replied, "Sounds fair to me."

He put his hand in his pocket, searching for the distinguishing cracks on the surface of the blue marble. Once he identified the blue marble with his finger tip, he carefully pushed it to the bottom of his pocket and pulled out all the other marbles.

As he handed the marbles to the girl in exchange for the chocolate, the boy thought his plan was a success and turned to walk away. As he began to eat the candy, he suddenly turned to the girl and asked, "Hey, did you give me all the chocolates?"

Our fallen nature persuades us to posture ourselves in the same deceptive and defiant attitude as the boy in this story. We want everything the kingdom of God has to offer. We want to have a secure sense of God's presence, we want all our prayers to be answered, we want to "feel close" to Jesus, we want to flourish in the riches of God's glory—we want it all. But we are unwilling to give up everything for it. Many times there is a "blue marble" in our lives that we seem unwilling to offer to the control of Christ. Until we can fully submit ourselves to God's will, our participation in God's kingdom will be limited.

Christopher L. Heuertz, Simple Spirituality (IVP, 2008), pp. 116-117; Samuel T. Kamaleson, "Mangoes and Marbles," Decision magazine (January 1978)

2. It doesn’t make sense

Some things do make sense.

Fighting for what you want makes sense.

Pushing until something happens makes sense.

Sometimes it doesn’t seem fair or make sense to be pushed around.

Some of God’s ideas about what is right don’t seem right.

(Mat 16:21-25 NKJV) From that time Jesus began to show to His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised the third day. {22} Then Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, "Far be it from You, Lord; this shall not happen to You!"

Frankly I understand what Peter is saying. It doesn’t make sense to have Jesus suffer and die.

{23} But He turned and said to Peter, "Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men." {24} Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. {25} "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

We know that Jesus had to die. He died to pay for our sins. That was a good thing.

Sometimes hard things are good things.

Illustration

Most people are afraid of the unknown. Those things we have never seen or experienced can seem overwhelming.

On the old maps, back before the world was understood in modern terms, cartographers, map makers, would put down what they knew, but at the edges of the map, beyond which they had no knowledge or understanding, they would often write, "Beyond here, there be dragons."

Ed Rowell, in his sermon "Mary—A Song of Trust," PreachingToday.com

That’s the way most of us really feel about submission. We don’t understand it. It doesn’t make sense. It must be wrong.

3. Sometimes it isn’t appropriate

Even when you are willing to submit to the right things, sometimes submitting isn’t the right thing to do.

Some of us would like to put our brain in neutral and just always press the “submit” button when it comes to making decisions.

But sometimes submission is the wrong thing.

David and Saul

David worked for Saul. Saul was not only David’s boss, but his king as well.

Doesn’t that sound like automatic submission to everything?

David was finding things getting difficult at work. David had much success and was becoming quite popular. Saul wanted to kill David.

Did David stick around and allow Saul to keep throwing spears at him? No. David even became known by some (1Sam. 25:9-10) as a rebellious servant.

Peter and the Sanhedrin

Peter was arrested and told by the spiritual leaders of the nation to stop talking about Jesus.

(Acts 5:29 NKJV) But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: "We ought to obey God rather than men.

Paul and the legalists

When Paul was a younger believer, there were some men who tried to talk Paul into becoming legalistic.

(Gal 2:5 NKJV) to whom we did not yield submission even for an hour, that the truth of the gospel might continue with you.

Most of the time submission is the thing to do.

Sometimes it isn’t. And that’s confusing. That’s difficult.

(Acts

What does submission accomplish?

1. Respect

(Heb 12:9 NKJV) Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?

I have this notion that most people need respect.

Most people need to feel a little dignity.

Think of the people you ought to be in submission to. Do you think they could benefit from respect?

You might say to me, “Respect ought to be earned”. I get that. But sometimes respect is also needed.

2. Change

(1 Pet 3:1 NKJV) Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

In many relationships we can get stuck in the theory that I can get the other person to change by telling them how they have failed and then reminding them so they don’t forget. (talking seagulls)

Peter says that a wife can affect a change in her husband’s behavior through her actions of submission and respect, without any words.

Sound incredible? Perhaps it’s that “respect” thing at work.

3. Faith

(1 Pet 3:5 NKJV) For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,

Submission is an act of faith.

Faith means trusting in something you don’t see or understand.

My trust is not in the person I’m submitting to, but in God.

If God is asking me to submit, then I need to trust that He knows what He’s doing.

4. Spiritual food

Bigger things

Sometimes we limit the things that God wants to do in our lives to just the things that we understand.

We say “no” to God because we don’t understand why God would want us to do such a crazy thing.

Peter was challenged by God to go beyond his understanding. One afternoon while waiting for lunch…

(Acts 10:10-15 NKJV) Then he became very hungry and wanted to eat; but while they made ready, he fell into a trance {11} and saw heaven opened and an object like a great sheet bound at the four corners, descending to him and let down to the earth. {12} In it were all kinds of four-footed animals of the earth, wild beasts, creeping things, and birds of the air. {13} And a voice came to him, "Rise, Peter; kill and eat." {14} But Peter said, "Not so, Lord! For I have never eaten anything common or unclean." {15} And a voice spoke to him again the second time, "What God has cleansed you must not call common."

It started with Peter learning to do what God said about the food in front of him. Ultimately it was a picture that God wanted him to hang out with unclean people – Gentiles.

Peter would never have imagined that God would do such a crazy thing as allowing pagan Gentiles into the kingdom of God. Yet because Peter relented and did what God asked, God moved in a new direction, beyond man’s understanding.

When we are submitting ourselves to the will of God, there may be times when we sense God asking us to do something that doesn’t make sense.

It doesn’t always need to make sense to you, as long as it makes sense to God.

Illustration

In the summer of my 11th year of life, I learned the power and joy of surrender. It happened in Minnesota at the Edina community swimming pool high dive. For five summers I had watched—in admiration and terror—the big kids climb 35 steps into thin air, walk a long concrete diving board, and then jump into the cool water below. For a few agonizing seconds they disappeared in the deep end only to reemerge alive and whole, beaming with delight.

I had long avoided the high dive. I wouldn't even come close to the deep end. But when my buddies—and even some girls—started plunging off the high dive, I knew I had to save face. Being uncool was worse than plunging to my certain death.

On a humid day in July, with my stomach reeling and my knees wobbling, I climbed the 35 steps into thin air. As I walked out on the plank, everything within me said, You fool, turn around and climb back down. You can still live! But when I started to backpedal and looked over my shoulder, I saw the line of friends, older kids, and girls chuckling. I knew I must jump.

Creeping to the edge of the plank, I looked over the edge, and I finally let go and jumped. Down I plunged, hitting the water like a stone, sinking lower and lower into my watery grave. So this is how they die, I thought. Some people hit the water and never come back up. They get sucked through a grate at the bottom of the pool and turned into chlorine. But then—surprise! I came up again, and I was alive! I was wet and dazed but utterly alive! I was not only alive, but transformed, liberated, and renewed. I shook my head of wet hair and laughed. I had let go of everything and lived to tell about it. I was more alive than ever. I had tasted the joy of surrender.

Matt Woodley, in his sermon "Freedom: Surrender Your Life," PreachingToday.com

Introduction

I think we all have our own pictures as to what submission looks like.

Illustration

SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE

Staring down the barrel of a gun is probably not the best picture of submission.

What is submission?

1. It is yielding to authority

submitting – hupotasso – to arrange under, to submit to one’s control; to obey, be subject

Greek military term meaning "to arrange troop divisions in a military fashion under the command of a leader".

In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden".

Even though Jesus was God in human flesh, Jesus learned submission.

(Heb 5:8 NKJV) though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered.

He submitted to His parents:

(Luke 2:51 NKJV) Then He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them…

He submitted to God:

(John 6:38 NKJV) "For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.

2. It is a work of the Spirit

Paul talks about being filled with the Holy Spirit and the things that result in a believer’s life when the Holy Spirit is at work.

Note gals that I didn’t read verse 22 (yet).

The bigger point is that discipline of submission is a result of being filled with the Spirit.

3. It involves the mouth

There is a time to be silent

(1 Pet 3:4 NKJV) rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Sometimes all we do is complain and criticize.

The boss learns to not pay attention because you are known as a complainer.

If you are one to talk back less often, when you do speak up, your words will mean more.

(Titus 2:9 NKJV) Exhort bondservants to be obedient to their own masters, to be well pleasing in all things, not answering back…

There is also a time to speak up

Sarah is the Bible’s example of a submissive wife.

(1 Pet 3:6 NKJV) as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Sarah spoke up

(Gen 21:10 NKJV) Therefore she said to Abraham, "Cast out this bondwoman and her son; for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, namely with Isaac."

Abraham was told by God to listen to his wife.

(Gen 21:12 NKJV) … Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice; for in Isaac your seed shall be called.

Some people claim that the Bible teaches that the wife has no authority or influence in a marriage. If Sarah is held up as the example of the submissive wife, I think our ideas of submission need to change.

Illustration

In the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”, the daughter Toula has been living under the authority of her very strict father. When she gets the idea of going to college and leaving the family business, her father says “no”. That’s when the mother Maria steps in:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebaFd53yO40&feature=related

"The man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head anyway she wants."

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Playtone Pictures, 2002), directed by Joel Zwick, written by Nia Vardalos; submitted by Jerry De Luca, Montreal West, Quebec, Canada

There’s probably a bit of truth in there…

Sometimes it’s easier to just keep your ideas to yourself and let your boss run the company into the ground. Sometimes the right thing to do is to speak up.

4. It is difficult

When Hagar had run away from Abraham and Sarah because Sarah was treating her harshly. God’s reply to Hagar …

Gen 16:9 The Angel of the LORD said to her, "Return to your mistress, and submit yourself under her hand."

submit – ‘anah – to humble oneself; to be afflicted

Submission is a humbling thing. It’s connected to “affliction”.

Sometimes God doesn’t want you running away from the uncomfortable things. Sometimes God wants to use the uncomfortable things to grow and mature you.

The real test of submission is when you are asked to do something you don’t want to do.

If your boss asks you to go to Baskin Robbins and buy yourself an ice-cream cone, it’s not much of an opportunity for submission.

If your boss asks you to clean the toilet, that’s an opportunity for submission.

For Jesus, His ultimate test came in the Garden of Gethsemane

(Luke 22:42 NKJV) saying, "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done."

Who do we submit to?

1. God

Learning to say “Yes, Lord”

(James 4:7 NKJV) Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Jesus is our best example.

The concept of “Lord” is one of submission. Jesus said,

If He is your “Lord”, then you respond by saying “Yes”

2. Government

(1 Pet 2:13-14 NKJV) Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, whether to the king as supreme, {14} or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good.

Peter goes on to say that submission can “silence the ignorance” of foolish men.

3. The Boss

(Col 3:22-23 NKJV) Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. {23} And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,

Bosses, teachers, parents, those in authority over you.

4. Husbands

(Eph 5:22 NKJV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Keep in mind that Paul’s context is that we are also submitting ourselves to each other.

(Col 3:18 NKJV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

5. One another

(1 Pet 5:5 NKJV) Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."

We all have a responsibility to learn submission. Nobody graduates from learning submission.

Why is submission so difficult?

1. Pride

We don’t like anyone telling us what to do. You ain’t the boss of me.

And some of you don’t like me telling you that we need to learn submission.

It’s the American way of life.

We rebelled against the King of England.

Self will is the sin of Lucifer, Satan.

(Acts