Dr. Dobson writes, "When I think of parents today, I'm reminded of a photograph of an elegantly dressed woman who is holding a cup of coffee. Her little finger is cocked ever so daintily to the side, and her face reveals utter self-confidence. Unfortunately, this woman does not yet know that her slip has collapsed around her feet. The caption reads, "Confidence is what you have before you understand the situation." Indeed!"

When it comes to parenting, I’m not real confident in my abilities, mostly because I’m finding out that there are no formulas, no instant answers to all the problems.

1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. This will insure his believing that the world owes him a living.

2. Pick up everything he leaves lying around. This will teach him he can always throw off responsibility on others.

3. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child. He is a "free spirit" and never wrong.

4. Finally, prepare yourself for a life of grief. You're going to have it.

Among the legends is the tale of a medieval construction supervisor who asked three stone masons on a construction project what they were doing. The first replied that he was laying bricks. The second described his work as that of building a wall. But it was the third laborer who demonstrated genuine esteem for his work when he said, "I am raising a great cathedral."

Pose that same question to any two parents concerning their role in the family, and you are liable to get the same kind of contrast. The first may say, "I am supporting a family." But the second may see things differently and say, "I am raising children." The former looks at his job as putting bread on the table. But the latter sees things in God's perspective: he is participating in the shaping of lives.

Susannah Wesley spent one hour each day praying for her 17 children. In addition, she took each child aside for a full hour every week to discuss spiritual matters with him or her. No wonder two of her sons, Charles and John, were used of God to bring blessing to all of England and much of America.

Here are a few rules she followed in training her children:

In a department store a young husband was minding the baby while his wife was making a purchase. The infant was wailing, but the father seemed quite unperturbed as he quietly said, "Easy now, Albert," he murmured, "keep your temper." A woman passing by remarked, "I must congratulate you! You seem to know just how to speak to a baby." "Baby nothing!" came the reply. "MY name is Albert!"

Alfred Adler (1870–1937) wrote, "Whenever a child lies, you will always find a severe parent. A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt to be dangerous."

The Duke of Windsor (1894-1972) said, "The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children."

"I love you too much to let you behave like that." (James C. Dobson)

I will tell my boys something like, "I love you so much and I don’t want you growing up to be a boy who always hurts others and no one likes. That’s why you can’t keep acting like this."

1. Do as I say, not as I do.

2. I'm the adult. I'm right.

3. Because I said so, that's why.

4. You want to be what?

5. This room's a pig sty.

6. Can't you do anything right?

7. Where did you find him?

8. You did what?

9. Do you mind if we talk about something else?

10. I'm kind of busy right now. Could you come back later?

1. Take time to clearly tell the child what was wrong with their behavior. Sometimes it even seems appropriate to use a Bible verse that fits the situation. Don’t just spank them with a paddle and think you’re done.

2. See if the child can tell you clearly what was wrong with their behavior. I don’t want to be one of those parents whose children don’t have a clue why they’re being punished. I know I’m not complete in my discipline if my children can’t tell me why they’re being disciplined.

Ruth Graham (in Homemade, Vol. 16, No. 11, November 1992) writes, "With our five children I had to decide what was a moral issue and what was non-moral and simply a part of growing up. Tracking mud into the house is a no-no, but it's not a moral issue. Children tend to be noisy when they're playing, and you feel like saying, "Hush!" -- but it's not a moral issue. However, I would call disobedience a moral issue. I would call respect a moral issue. Of course, stealing and lying are moral issues."

There are other negative punishments like "time outs" or taking away privileges. In the Old Testament, there was more than one type of punishment for crime.

Sometimes our children can learn a whole lot more if we focus on the giving them encouragement for doing good things instead of always focusing on the negative.

Occasionally, a child will do something that is really, really bad, and amazingly enough, they will also be struck with the fact that they did a horrible thing.

In an article in Moody Monthly, Craig Massey told about being in a restaurant when he heard an angry father say to his 7-year-old son, "What good are you?" The boy, who had just spilled his milk, put his head down and said, "Nothing." Years later, Massey said he was disgusted with his own son for a minor infraction. He heard himself ask what he called "the cruelest question a father can ask." He said, "What are you good for anyway?" His son replied, "Nothing." Immediately he regretted the question. As he thought about this, he realized that the question was all right but the answer was wrong. A few days later when his son committed another minor offense, he asked, "What are you good for?" But before his son could reply he hugged him and kissed him and said, "I'll tell you what you're good for. You're good for loving!" Before long, whenever he asked the question, his son would say, "I'm good for loving." Parents, be careful of what you say.