Sunday
Morning Bible Study
February 22, 2004
Introduction
I want you to play a game with me. The game is called “Amateur
Psychologist”. I’m going to give you a series of case studies – some real, some
fictional – and I want you to tell me what these case studies have in common. Are
you ready?
Case Study #1 – A young Goth – This
is from the suicide note he left behind –
I am a weary wanderer,
On a lonesome and winding road.
I am a daily ponderer.
I bear a ponderous load.
...Shed no tears when I pass on by.
We must face the drought and the rain.
It is only torture to cry.
Perhaps our paths may join again.
Every road eventually ends,
As love passed far beyond my tred.
Each friendship leads to parting friends.
I must go alone to my bed.
Case Study #2 – Name: William Hung
Perhaps you’ve heard about the latest singing sensation. It’s a guy who
recently tried out for the show “American Idol” and didn’t exactly get accepted
by the judges. His name is William Hung.
This article from ABC
news
'American
Idol' Reject Idolized by Web
'American
Idol' Reject Willam Hung Idolized by Web Fans, Offered Record Deal
The Associated Press
BERKELEY, Calif. Feb. 20 — The "American
Idol" judges said William Hung bombed with his gotta-see-it-to-believe-it
rendition of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs."
But rejection
turned out to have a silver maybe even platinum lining. In the weeks since he
got booted by the TV talent show, the 21-year-old Hung has become an insta-Net
celebrity, sought after by talk shows, record producers and Idol dreamers
everywhere.
By now, unless
your TV set is permanently tuned to PBS, you've probably seen Hung in action
arms waving over his head, hips following the beat of an entirely different
drummer as he cheerfully attacks Martin's song.
The song fights
back; the song wins. And yet the mild-mannered civil engineering student is
undeniably charming, his reedy tenor bringing a boyish exuberance to the sexy
lyrics…
…Hung, who was
born in Hong Kong but moved to Southern California with his family as a
child, has always been interested in music. But he was concentrating on a
steadier line of work, studying at the University of California, Berkeley, until he won a dorm
talent contest singing, of course, "She Bangs."
(His audition)
… didn't go well. Cowell stopped him with a curt, "You can't sing, you
can't dance, so what do you want me to say?"
You can find the video of William’s audition on the web. He’s the
quintessential picture of the nerdy geek trying to be cool yet failing so
horribly that it’s funny. It’s now one of the biggest things on the internet. He’s
even been offered a record contract. Some people say it’s all because he had
such a great attitude about being rejected. I can’t help but think that people
aren’t just having a good time laughing at William. I think others are just
feeling sorry for him because the world is laughing at him. What I really wonder about is why he doesn’t
seem to mind that the world is laughing at him.
Case Study #3: Steady Suzy
Suzy is the gal with the boyfriend. She’s always got a boyfriend. In fifth
grade it was the guy who sat across from her in class. In sixth grade it was the
runny-nosed guy named Herbert. In ninth grade she landed a hunk on the
basketball team. She got married as soon as she graduated from high school, but
that only lasted a few years. She’s like the gal that Jesus met at the well in Samaria.
When Jesus asked her to go get her husband and she said she didn’t have a
husband …
(John 4:17-18 NLT) …Jesus said, "You're right! You don't have
a husband-- {18} for you have had five husbands, and you aren't even married to
the man you're living with now."
Steady Suzy is every guy’s dream. For awhile. She’ll hug you and kiss you
and want to be loved back. In fact she wants to be loved back so much that
she’ll end up draining the life out of you. She ends up killing all of her
relationships because she’s so hungry for love.
What does each scenario have in common?
People looking for love. Each
scenario was about a person looking for someone to care for them and consider
them valuable.
Mr. Goth committed suicide because he couldn’t stand losing friendships.
William seems to have a need for the spotlight, a need for attention. So
much that he seems blinded to how horrible his act is.
Suzy can’t stand to be alone. She needs love so badly she kills every
single relationship because she drains any person who will give her the time of
day.
We all have a need to be loved. But if we’re not careful, our search for
love can get us into some pretty bad places.
What is real love?
We in English understand that there are many ways to use the word
"love".
I love Snickers candy bars. I love James Bond movies. I love my sons. I
love my wife. I love Jesus.
In Hollywood they say, “love-ya-baby
let’s do lunch”
We describe sex as “making love”.
Frankly, we have some pretty confusing ideas about what love is all about.
The Greeks had more than a few words to describe love. But when it came to
describing God’s idea of true love, each of those words fell a bit short. So
the New Testament writers picked an obscure word, agape, and filled it with new meaning. This is what Paul is writing about in
1Corinthians 13.
1Corinthians 13:4-8 Love defined
1Corinthians 13 is called “the love chapter”. But don’t think that it’s
just about marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. It’s about ALL of
our relationships. The church in Corinth
was filled with relationship problems.
Paul is aiming to change that.
I want to look at the Bible’s definition of the agape, the right kind of love. I want to create a benchmark,
something to compare all of our relationships to. Make two lists for me. The first list should be names of people that
you want love from. The second list
should be names of people that you love.
Take a minute to jot a few names on each list. As we go through these qualities, keep the
faces of these people in mind.
:4 Charity suffereth long
The Greek word (makrothumia) used
here means literally, “long-burning”, perhaps with the idea of a fire of
passion that doesn’t go out quickly. We usually translate it “patience”. It is
a word that is used specifically in relationships with people. It is having
patience with difficult people.
Illustration
There is no greater example of patience than that of God's patience towards
His people.
When God first delivered them from Egypt,
He warned them that if they disobeyed His commandments He would have to punish
them. (Deut. 28:15)
At first you might think, “Boy, does this guy have a short fuse!”
But when you examine history, you find that God between the time when God
gave them the warning until the time when the big “time out” came was 900
years.
When we talk about not being able to “put up” with a person any longer, I
wonder what would happen if God had our measure of patience. The very reason Jesus has not come back yet
is because of this very kind of patience:
(2 Pet 3:9 NASB) The Lord is
not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you,
not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.
:4 and is kind
Kindness is defined as “usefulness directed toward others”. It’s doing
kind, gracious, good things for other people. It’s an active kind of word. You
can’t just sit on the couch, smiling, and say you are “kind”. You have to be
up, doing things for other people.
We read earlier in Luke 6:27-36
about Jesus’ concept of loving others. He said,
(Luke 6:31 KJV)
And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
Loving others is all about “doing”.
It’s all about doing good things for others.
Too often we have our eyes focused on ourselves. We know what we want out
of a relationship, we know what we expect the other person to do for us to keep
us happy, but what we need to be thinking about is what the other person needs
in the relationship, not what we need.
:4 charity envieth not
The idea here is of jealousy, an inner boiling or burning that starts
inside you when you see something another person has and you want to have the
same thing for yourself.
When you love the other person, instead of being angry for what they've
received, you rejoice with them for their blessings.
If you have a friend that’s just received an award, then you’re supposed to
be happy for them, not jealous of them. If your friend gets a boyfriend, you’re
supposed to be happy for them, not upset that she got the boy.
:4 charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Or, “Love does not brag and is not arrogant”
Love is happy enough without recognition.
Illustration
A little country boy was out fishing with only a switch for a pole and a
bent pin for a hook, but he was catching many fish. A city fellow who had spent
much time fishing without any success, though he had the best of fishing
outfit, came across the boy with his long string of fish, and he asked the boy
the reason of his success. The boy said, "The secret of it all is that I
keep myself out of sight."
The secret of catching a lot of happiness in our relationships is when we
don’t demand to be in the spotlight, but desire instead just to bless others.
:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly
Or, “love is not rude”.
This refers to not doing things improperly, not doing things impolitely,
and shaming other people with rude behavior.
Illustration
Door to Door
Two fellows were witnessing door to door and knocked on the door of a woman
who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did
not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her
surprise, however, the door did not close—in fact, it bounced back open. She
tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the
same result—the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were
sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would
teach them a lesson, when one of them said, “Ma’am, before you do that again,
you need to move your cat.”
:5 seeketh not her own
Being more concerned about the other person’s rights than your own. Not
asking what life owes you, but what do you owe life. Being more concerned about
the edification of others rather than your own edification.
(Phil 2:3-4 NLT) Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good
impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.
{4} Don't think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too,
and what they are doing.
Often people in a bad relationship are complaining about their “rights”
being trampled on. But when you choose to live by agape, you choose to abandon your rights and live for the other
person. This is NOT what the world teaches. The world teaches us to live for
ourselves, not for others.
A phrase you might hear from people who say they love you is, “If you
really love me you’ll …” The truth is that this isn’t love at all. This is
selfishness. This is lust.
:5 is not easily provoked
The idea is being provoked to anger. This is much like “patience” or
“long-suffering”.
In the KJV, it says, “easily provoked”, yet the “easily” is not in the
Greek text. You can't get away with being angry by justifying it saying, “it
wasn't easy, but I'm angry”.
One common reason for anger is misunderstanding.
When you feel yourself getting angry, it's pretty safe to assume that you might
not understand what the other person is thinking or doing.
Illustration
A Tale of Faulty Inferences
The train rushes across the Hungarian countryside. In a compartment sit a
mother with her attractive daughter, a Nazi officer, and a Hungarian official. When
the train passes through a tunnel, the compartment is engulfed in darkness. Suddenly
there is the sound of a loud kiss followed by a shattering slap. When the train
emerges from the tunnel, no one says a word, but the Nazi officer’s face bears
the unmistakable signs of having been slapped. The mother looks at her daughter
and thinks, “What a good daughter I have. She certainly showed that Nazi he can’t
fool with her.” The daughter looks at her mother and thinks, “Mother sure is
brave to take on a Nazi officer over one stolen kiss.” The Nazi officer stares
at the Hungarian official and thinks, “That Hungarian is clever. He steals a
kiss and gets me slapped, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” The Hungarian
official stares blankly as he thinks, “Not bad. I kiss my hand and get away
with slapping a Nazi.”
:5 thinketh no evil
Bad translation here. It would be better to say, “Love does not take into
account a wrong suffered”
This is an accounting phrase of entering up in a ledger an item so it won't
be forgotten. Keeping track of when people hurt you.
This is going to become most evident when you have your fights.
If you start pulling out old laundry lists of things the other person has
done over the last two centuries, you’ve missed the point here. When phrases
like, “You always do that,” show up, some wrongs have been kept track of.
:6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity
Sometimes when we’re upset with someone, we kind of get a kick out of
seeing them stumble and fall. Love isn’t pleased when another stumbles.
There’s something in us that just loves
to hear bad things about people. It’s what makes gossip fun. Oh that we would get to the place where we are grieved if we should hear bad news. Oh
that we would get to the place where we would recognize gossip when we see it
and learn to stop it.
:6 but rejoiceth in the truth
Sometimes truth is kind of hard to take. Especially when it’s the truth
about you, and when the truth isn’t good news.
But learning agape means that
when someone gets the guts up to tell you something difficult, you don’t get
defensive or mad at them, but you learn to thank them for having the courage to
share it with you. The ones who truly love you will tell you the truth.
(Prov 27:6 KJV) Faithful are
the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
:7 Beareth all things
A better translation would be “covers all things”. The Greek word here (stego) means to cover up something for
the purpose of protecting it.
This isn’t the idea of “covering up” as in ignoring another person’s
problems, like the wife that refuses to admit that her husband is an alcoholic.
But this is the idea of not dragging the other person’s sins out in public to
humiliate them.
If your friend has a problem, you don’t tell the world about it. The Bible
says,
1PE 4:8 Above all, keep
fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
Illustration
Noah and his sons. After the Ark
landed and Noah and his family settled down, Noah planted a vineyard, made some
wine, and got so stinking drunk (Gen. 9) that he took his clothes off and made
a fool of himself. One of his sons saw
what happened and just made fun of his dad.
His other sons heard what happened and came into Noah’s tent with a
blanket to cover up their father.
Love doesn’t ignore a person’s problems, but love is considerate enough to
keep things confidential and cover the sin.
:7 believeth all things
I think this means that we give the other person the benefit of the doubt. That
doesn’t mean we have to be totally gullible, but if you don’t know for sure
what happened, give them a break!
:7 hopeth all things
It’s hard to continue in a relationship without hope.
If there’s a difficult person at work that God has called you to agape, you need to keep hoping and
praying that God will touch them. Don’t give up. If you’re in a difficult
marriage, you need to ask God to give you hope to keep holding on. If you have
difficult children (or parents), you need hope.
Here’s where agape gets a little
tricky.
What if you are in a “dating”, or, “broken-up-dating” relationship? Do you
still keep hoping?
I believe you need to be careful of pumping yourself up with too much hope
if you haven’t crossed the altar and said “I do” yet. I think there’s a very
fine line between faith that God has led you to the right person, and
presumption that what you think is
God’s will, actually is.
:7 endureth all things
The Greek word here (hupomone)
means literally to “remain under”. It means to be patient and bear up
courageously when hard times hit. Not just waiting the situation out, but being
a victor in the midst of conflict.
:8 Charity never faileth
It will never let you down.
Illustration
Did you see the news? (from CNN.com)
It's splitsville for Barbie and Ken /
(Thursday, February 12, 2004)
NEW YORK (AP) -- Just like
J.Lo and Ben, the romance is over for Barbie and Ken. After 43 years as one of the world’s prettiest
pairs, the perfect plastic couple is breaking up. The couple’s “business
manager,” Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, said that
Barbie and Ken “feel it’s time to spend some quality time—apart.” “Like other celebrity couples, their Hollywood
romance has come to an end,” said Arons, who quickly added that the duo “will
remain friends.” …Arons hinted Wednesday that the separation may be partially
due to Ken’s reluctance to getting married…
I guess it wasn’t real love after all.
If we base our idea of love on what the world pitches to us in their
advertising, we’re going to be hugely disappointed.
Where can I find this kind of love?
I believe this is the kind of love that we all need so desperately. Don’t
you?
Some of you may be like that young Goth, desperate because you can’t find
love. Some may be a bit like William,
doing goofy things to get attention, looking for some kind of significance,
looking for someone to love you. Some
may be like Suzy, and you go from relationship to relationship looking for
someone to fill this insatiable need you have inside to be loved.
Look at your lists of people to be
loved by and love. If you’re honest,
both lists fall horribly short of God’s standard of love.
You’re only going to find this love in one place. Jesus. He died on a cross
to prove His love for you.
This Wednesday, the upcoming movie, the
Passion of the Christ, is going
to give us a picture of that love.
If you go down the list of characteristics, you’ll see that Jesus satisfies
every one of them.
We certainly need to love each other like this, but if you expecting other
ordinary people to fill this particular need in your life, you’re going to be
disappointed.
You’re only going to find fulfillment in Jesus.
Yet if we could find this kind of love, and truly be filled with it, all of
our relationships will change.
We will no longer be looking for love, we’ll be looking to love.
If we’ve learned what love is all about from Jesus, then these same
qualities of love can be the qualities that mark our own relationships.
Looking for love? Come to Jesus.